Did you ever wonder why "old" people do what they do? There exists a set of behaviors specific to "old" people: They get up REALLY early. They drive REALLY slowly, and not at night. A favorite conversation topic seems to be their medical history AND the medical history of everyone they know, or have heard of. They don't eat much. They wear the same clothes which consist of 5 favorite outfits for each season, and a favorite sweater, usually a cardigan. And they dress for the weather. "Old" people make friends with the service sector, you know - the cashier at Cumberland Farms and the receptionist at the doctor's office. They hold the bags and sweaters for you while you ride the roller coasters.
Just to name a few. Please understand, in no way am I maligning our elderly population. There are also a set of behaviors specific to children. I don't intend to imply that any of these behaviors are 'bad'. The behaviors, in both children and "old" people stem from physical capabilities and needs.
Looking at the sum and doing the equation, I have discovered the indicators which show me how I'm aging.
- Sleeping a weekend morning away used to be a treasured accomplishment. When did that stop? I hate sleeping in, and I just lay there with my eyes open anyway and then get up stiff and grouchy.
- Well, I know when I started driving slowly, but I like it! What happened to the thrill of taking the big curves at 70 mph while jamming to Aerosmith? When the only rule was to pass the car in front of me.
- And can I tell you about my arthritis? And my boss's diverticulitis?
- Last night I had peanuts, no salt added/dry roasted, for supper. It was plenty.
- My clothes are nothing more than comfortable. Once found, a comfortable item is not easily relinquished. I've have a pair of shorts I like to sleep in...for 7 years now. And I always bring a sweater with me in case the weather turns.
- I know the cashier at Cumberland Farms by name, and the manager's father died recently and it was hard for her. The young man who works at Dunkin Donuts attends community college during the day and the receptionist at my dentist's office is Beth and she just got married.
- As I sit and wait for Paul and Sean to finish the amusement park ride, I wonder what happened to the person who craved the exitement and adrenalyn rush of the big coasters, a feeling that made me laugh and smile for weeks after.
What got me thinking about this was helping Sean learn how to drive. Having done this before, there was no need to give it a second thought. Surprise. This time it was different, I was different. I experienced fear I didn't remember feeling before, big fear. And whereas in years past if ever I did feel fear I could easily convince myself to stop being silly and carry on. Today I have to work much harder...the fears seem to grip with a tenaciousness previously unimagined. I don't know where that comes from, or why I now find it difficult to manage. Out of all the other indicating factors of my changing persona, that is the one that troubles me the most. I guess you could say, it frightens me the most, this deteriorating ability to accept risk. I am prepared to battle the physical changes, and accept that my roller blading days are numbered, but allowing the rest of my life to stagnate into comfort and safety is not okay with me. Okay world, bring on the risks, bring on the adventures! I will not falter! (I may throw up, but I will go forward...)
And now its time to clean the kitty litter, and I'm afraid I'm going to get a brain parasite.
Peace.
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