"Though I'm thoroughly amused at your analysis of my smoking. I wanted you to do it for yourself. The 'I' in the topic was supposed to be Sheila...please re-work."
Professor X
Oooops. I failed my first essay. Guess the topic of "Why I smoke, When and Where I smoke, and Why I can't stop" was supposed to be about me. Drats.
Okay, here goes:
I smoke because it is easier to smoke than not. And please refer to my erroneous first essay regarding my theory about smokers. Yes, I carry unresolved hurts. I am an addict. I smoke because when my thoughts get too close to filling up my 'feelings' reservoir, or if the situation at hand is also bringing up more feelings than my reservoir can safely hold.
In the car, in the garage while on the phone, on the deck or in the hot tub are the best places to smoke. I love to smoke while driving...safely tucked away in my moving cocoon, going from here to there and watching the world go by. On the way to work there are three checkpoints. Once I reach those, I light up. At work, whether at the office or home, when I've completed a task, I break and have a puff. It serves as a transitioning tool, to change my mindset and plan the next task. It is a reward for finishing something. Letting the dogs out is a great time to smoke, too. In the morning, first thing, I put my bathrobe on, get my pack of Marlbs and the dogs are wicked in tune with this. They are at the door. Standing out on the stoop, I look around to see if anything has changed since the last time I stood there, and then my mind takes off to various places. I've had my best ideas out there, and more than one epiphany.
The fact is I can stop. Everybody can. I choose not to because it is easier, as stated above. I'm afraid of those feelings that overfloweth when I don't have my smoke. Once, many years ago I stopped smoking, and I thought I was going insane, no kidding. It was pretty bad. There is a degree of physical addiction, I know. But, that is a small part of the whole addiction. Also, I'm still carrying several pounds from the last time I briefly tried to quit. I've been thinking that there should be more support for smokers who want to quit...the whole 12 step method, because it applies to enough of us, I think...
So, what I'm curious about is why Professor X chose this topic. Could it be that she is somewhat bothered by the fact that I smoke? I never thought about that before. It could be time to make a plan, find the support and make the change to becoming a nonsmoker.
Peace
4 comments:
i would suggest hypnosis, if you are really serious about wanting to make a change. it is pricey, but less pricey than smoking by far. there are places that can do hypnosis by the session, and i'd definitely recommend that. i never thought i'd be able to quit ever. and even now, when stress arises in my life, i don't want to smoke (i sound like a commercial, but it IS that awesome). it's strange. just an idea. good assignment!
Mom, good job, you did twice the work this week, but I don't have a new topic for you yet. V is supposed to be writing on "taking a break" I should remind her of that...
I'm not bothered so much about your smoking, as just worried, it's that whole fear of losing/death/ etc.
V- thats a good suggestion, thanks. how long ago did you quit? I actually think in my deepest soul I am a nonsmoker.
Xtal- be sure to clarify if you're giving me a topic or title...lol. i think i'm going to look into hypnosis. what do you think?
It worked for V. I knew her as a smoker as well. She just doesn't smoke now. Doesn't want to. It's weird, but it worked for her.
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