Today's Helping

Paul left before the light of dawn today to catch a flight for Seattle. He'll be there until Thursday. His traveling leaves a little hole in my life, little things like, "what am I going to do for supper tonight?" We had a looooong talk on the ride to Boston yesterday. We had some uncomfortable dynamics going on in regards to Sean and they came to a head. Being who we are (especially Paul) we put those dynamics on the table (dashboard) disected, and inspected. It was a painful/tearful experience, but rewarding. Paul recognized some of the difficulty I was having with his need to control my decisions around Sean. I asked him to please honor my relationship with Sean as MINE, my journey, my experience. Even if he recognizes that I may be making the wrong decisions, a 'heads up', then DROP IT would be appreciated. He rightfully pointed out that my decisions around Sean affect him, too. Valid. Most importantly, Paul is a wise, loving and courageous human. I am walking a line between him and Sean right now, with both tugging me to their 'side'. Paul carries no hidden agendas. He is often right on the money. I value his input. But it took him lots and lots of years to learn what he knows, for himself. I asked that he let me learn for myself, as well. I love that man. I love that we can look at things and own our parts. I love that we trust each other. I honor him. I know he honors me. Never am I forgetful of the gift of his loving friendship. Thank you, Lord.

Which leads to my newest dilemma. I found pot in Sean's room this morning. Sean is sleeping downstairs right now. My first instinct is to call the police. But I hesitate. Do I want to open that can of worms? I think I do. Do I really? Dilemma. What are the consequences of getting the 'system' involved? What are the consequences of not? Who will pay them? Should I wait until I at least finish my second cup of coffee to decide? Will calling the police help?

Right now I think I have to make a stand. Between you and I, I know lots of people that use
pot - successful productive people. My personal feeling is that there is no reason for there to be legality issues with it, not if we're a society that also permits alcohol use and cigarette use, since I believe pot to be in the same category. BUT, it seems to me that as a parent I HAVE to make a stand. A firm stand, and be steadfast. I have told Sean that there is to be NO pot in my house, final, nonnegotiable. That being said, the right thing for me to do now is to enforce that rule, so that maybe, just maybe, he will take something I say seriously. So it is not the pot, per se, but the desregard for the boundaries of my home.

So perhaps this writing has helped me come to a conclusion and solve the dilemma. Next step, finding the courage to go forth. If you are reading this, please say a prayer for me and Sean...because today's helping is going to be chewy.

Peace