Places

"V" brought up a good point about 'places'. When "X" and her brother Gabe were wee ones, I took a course in Sociology for Women. It colored my own parenting goals for my children.

I was raised with a strong independent (and immensely angry) woman as a role model. She would go to a hard days work each day making pianos. She re-did the plumbing in our downstairs bathroom, and fixed it back up. She reshingled our roof. She got books and repaired her own vehicles. She hooked rugs and read the newspaper, and always had a book on her nightstand. She went to the state forest in the winter and with a chain saw cut the dead wood so we wood have it to heat our house with all winter long. She taught us how to split and stack it. My mother built a ceiling to wall bookcase for her hundreds of books, and many other wood working projects. On Saturdays, for as long as I can remember she donned her apron and spent the day baking the bread and other goodies for the week, while singing away to the radio. She made soups that family raved about, cubing potatoes in her palm in 4 seconds, flat. She sewed much of our clothing when we were little, and believed in the iron and ironing board, even for sheets and pillowcases. She was clean, proud, well groomed and attractive. The fact was, she could do anything that needed to be done, do it well and completely, with dignity and pride, even sporting a vagina. Imagine.

My brothers were equally as responsible for all household chores, except for cleaning the bathroom, and setting the table. Those fell into my realm. On the other hand, I didn't ever have to mow the yard. My brothers and I (no sisters, three brothers) played the same things except for "cars", an activity I always thought of as stupid. But they had to compete hard with me at any outdoor physical play.

I didn't ever notice segregation of the sexes. Its like telling a blind person what the color blue is. So when I started this sociology course and learned that our society had a different agenda for gender roles, I was incredulous! While I was trying to teach my children how to become self-actualized people, society was telling them how to be "women" and "men", and I disagreed! That was nonsense! I started learning what the subtle techniques were that our society used to keep men and women in their "places"; Like our educators encouraging the boys in math and science subjects and girls in the arts. Like media messages - I remember being livid over a Whisk commercial where the woman expressed guilt over her husband's ring-around-the-collar. I stopped using Whisk immediately and have never purchased it since, decades ago. (talk about holding a grudge. hey is Whisk still on the market?) The fact that cosmetic companies made the male directors rich, while dictating that women weren't pretty or feminine unless they used this product. Sure, don't pay us an equal wage, but take our little bit of money to be "beautiful" (??!!) for you. And how about fashion? Which sick male invented the "come-fuck-me" spiked heels? Jeez, just bind our feet - it's a cheaper way of crippling us and keeping us in our "place".

Here I was raising my little children to be people - good, kind, unique, thoughtful, independent thinking, creative, self-actualized people. I had NO idea I was living in a society with a different agenda, that I was to raise them to fit in their "gender boxes". Well, I didn't. I tried to ensure that they equally recieved all opportunities for any experience to grow and learn, to acquire any skill they wished to acquire and pursue freely. I wanted my children aware, as I was unaware, that they live in a society which wants to place boundaries on them concerning their gender. And I wanted them to fight against it as much as they could, as much as I did.

I found some mild pornographic magazines one day, that a little neighbor boy had found at his house and brought over to share with Gabe. The two boys were about eight years old at the time, I think? Not very old, but I truly can't remember exactly. I found Gabe and asked him to come with me, and we went to sit together on the back deck. I showed him the magazines, and his eyes popped out of his head. I said, "don't worry, son, I just want to talk about a few things" and I started turning the pages. "These women are very beautiful, don't you think? Now why do you think they are working as naked models showing the world all their private business? Doesn't seem like a good way to earn money to me. But guess what son. We live in a world where it's hard for women to earn enough money, and so some women sell their bodies. Its not right." Or something to that effect. Probably a little deep for such a little boy, but I was planting seeds, dammit. Raising awareness in my children.

Overall, I've mellowed a whole lot since then. I still try to be conscious of where our society is trying to put the gender boundaries. I gave my boss a "heads up" the other day when he referred to my female co-workers and myself as "the girls in the office". Explained to him that I haven't been a "girl" since I was eleven, and was he "the boy with his truck?". Just trying to change the world, one ripple at a time. Of course, since I am a woman, it wasn't taken all that seriously, and Elfscooter was just being goofy again. But maybe one day the 'ah ha' light will come on.

My children are who they are. They are good people, and I am proud of them. They appear to be independent thinkers, and that was my final goal. I don't think that "X" will ever see it as her place in the world to either keep the bathroom clean, or change the oil in the car. But if it needs to be done, I hope she does it. And if she enjoys baking, or welding, I hope she pursues it. And if any of my children notice a little inequality going on, it is my hope that they will raise the bar and make their little ripple and enrich our whole social fabric with some good common sense.

Peace, Sisters