The Poor Little Chipmunk

Aaaaaaah. My tummy is full. It's a happy tummy now. Peach oatmeal and 3 plain rice cakes. You know how rice cakes have zero fat? They have zero nutritional value, too. I checked. A bit of fiber, some carbs and a gram of protein. But they did the trick. And it's finally quiet.

I hear the tires squealing at the top of the hill. That means Sean finally left. Sad to say, but I bought him off. I loaned him $5 to 'get lost'. He talks so much. Oh my God. He started calling me at 2:30 this afternoon to let me know he was jonesin' for a cigarette, and would I be home at the regular time? I'd plan to stop at Kohl's on the way home to see if there existed a pair of jeans for me, but I didn't tell him that, cause I didn't want the whining. He called again when I was on the highway, "where are you?". I said I was on the highway. But didn't tell him I had as yet to go shopping. I looked over at the car that was passing me in the left lane and it was a police car. And here I had the phone up to my ear. Great. Without saying anything I brought the phone down to my lap. I held it there for a good while until the police car was safely out of sight up ahead. I put it back to my ear. Sean was still talking. Didn't even know I had put the phone down. Oh my.

I didn't take my phone into the store, not to avoid him, but simply because I didn't think to grab it. When I got back to the truck, there must have been 8 missed calls from him.

In the store. I was very good. Even though I was tired and hate shopping, I had determined that I was going to try things on. It was more efficient to try things on than to have to return them later. First trip to the fittiing room. Untie work boots, shimmy out of pants, look in the mirror. OH MY GOD. Pull on new pants. OH MY GOD. Off they go, back on the hanger. Old pants back on, work boots back on, tied. Grab my things. Another trip to the racks.

I'm still hanging in there. I can do this. Suck it up and I find another pair of jeans and choose two different sizes. Back to the fitting room. Untie work boots, shimmy out of pants, DONT look in the mirror and pull new pants on. Hmmmm, these have possibility. Bend, strut, squat, turn, wiggle. My ass is huge. I've got a muffin top. My legs are so short. Why couldn't I be four inches taller??? Well, these jeans will do. I go back to the display to get another pair of that size, but there are no more. Now I see some other pants I missed before. But there is no way, no effing way I'm going back in that fitting room. My suckitupbility is used up. I picked up another 3 pairs of pants and said, 'fuck it'. At the cashier's counter, I asked about their charge return policy...in the past some stores wouldn't credit the charge for a return, but required an exchange on the return. Not Kohl's. Bingo. ring em up. I'm SO outa here.

Sean reached me on the phone when I was closer to home. He chatted, and said he had vacuumed like I asked, so I decided to pick up a pack of cigarettes for him. He asked how far away from Sunny's I was, cause they carried the brand he wanted. I said I was looking at it right up ahead. X beeped in. I told Sean I had to go, cause X and I had to touch bases about a few things. He was still talking when I hung up. X and I chatted while I located the milk and went to the counter. I put her down for a minute to ask for the cigarettes, then we continued chatting. I noticed that on the counter were my cigarettes, milk and wallet. No keys. Ruh Roh. I left with my goods, heart beating fast, telling X that with any luck I didn't lock my truck. As I approached, my heart sank. The doors were locked. One peek showed the keys dangling from the ignition. X asked if she should go. I said I'll call back later. I hopped in the bed of the truck, hoping beyond hope that the little window in the back wasn't locked. I tested it. God is good! It slid right open! The little window is about 9" X 9". Now that it was open I realized what a fantasy that was. With no little amount of embarrassment, I tried though. I really tried. If my shoulders were about one foot narrower, and my arms about one foot longer. If only. If I was driving by me right now I'd be busting a gut. I saw what my butt looked like in the mirror only minutes before, and here it was spread out to the world for all to see while I tried to squeeze into that tiny hole.

I sat in the bed of the truck for a few minutes and pondered things. I needed a little kid. Where could I find one? I looked around. Nothing. Like what was I going to do if I found one anyway. Ask him if he wanted to see my puppy??

Sunny's is a qaint little local store. As well as some grocery items, it has a little counter in back where you can get a mean grinder. And odds and ends that campers might need. And lots of beer. I wandered back into the store, wondering if they had something that was about a foot and a half long and could grab keys from an ignition and give them back to me. Actually, the beer sure looks good. I could drink a six pack and pass out. Problem solved. At least for awhile. But look, what is this? Brooms and mops and such? Hmmmm. Would ya look at the end of this broom? It has a little hook so you can hang it up when you are finished using it. Well, Goddess is good. I'll take one. Only $5.99.

I walked out the door. Nice. It's raining. Hop into the bed of the truck, stick the broom handle in and on the second try, hooked the caribeaner they are on and then deftly slid the keys out of the ignition and I was able to pull them right into my waiting hand. I am so smart. (shut up).

Finally, finally, finally. I'm home. Home is heaven. Home is safe. Home is where my pajamas are. What am I going to have for supper? I'm STARVING. But, remember what we saw in the mirror at Kohl's?

Sean is waiting. He's always waiting. He let me finish my conversation with X. Although I had to get a little bit evil about it. I walked in the house. Let the dogs out. Made oatmeal and grabbed the rice cakes 'cause the oatmeal alone was NOT going to do the trick. Sean asked me for $5 so he could put gas in his friend's quad and go riding with him. I tried. I tried so hard to use this opportunity to illustrate the importance of responsibility, that sometimes we have to say 'no' to the little things we want because we are saving up for the big things. (a car). He won. I was already worn down. It didn't take too long, but I did try hard. I let him have the $5, and that was just the price I paid for a little peace and quiet. After his shower he followed me outside to the deck, where I just wanted to get my head together. Or, to make H cringe, - find my center.

He followed me back in the house. Still talking. By now I'm chuckling. I still have to do laundry and I can't even think. Not that you need to think when you do laundry, but I'm telling you, I had nothing but fog in my head. I gathered my laundry and brought it downstairs. He's still talking. I gently told Sean that if he didn't leave this instant, he was going to be very late. Some people never realize just how close they come to danger.

Did I mention that I squished a poor little chipmunk on my way to work this morning?

Peace, and I really mean that...